wakey wakey hands off snakey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
