North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
