dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
