I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
