I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
