i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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