$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
