I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
