exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
