he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
