That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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