Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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