Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
