I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
