so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
