I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
