I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
