whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
