youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
another moral hangover. fuck.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
