it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We left the knife in your bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
