it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
