My brain says no but my pants say off.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
