Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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