Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
