The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
