I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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