And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
