you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize