I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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