He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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