Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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