Who did Billy Mays play for?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
