moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
