Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
