Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
