White coat. Heels.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
