He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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