in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
