So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
