I think my vagina is haunted
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
