not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
