4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
