There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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