Buhtt sex?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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