He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
