got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
