Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
