he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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