When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
