Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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