Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
